I’ve been following Kierkegaarden on Twitter. My hermit nature was recently attracted to this:
“Someone out in a blizzard dressed in the lightest summer clothes is not as exposed as one who wills to be a solitary human being in a world where everything is alliance and accordingly, with the selfishness of the alliance, demands that one ally oneself with it until the individual protects himself against several alliances by becoming a member of one alliance, whereas the solitary, as soon as it has become obvious that he does not wish to enter into alliance with anyone, has all the alliances, joined together as one — a grandiose alliance! — against him.” - Soren Kierkegaard (1851)
I have never felt quite that solitary. I am a hermit by choice and pursue solitude in moderation (maintaining certain alliances) – but then Kierkegaard was talking about a radical (during his own life) – Jesus Christ.
There are two primary aspects of solitude, though – the external (no one else in proximity); and the internal (alone in one’s own thoughts, beliefs, or orientation). The latter is usually available even when the former is not – although accessing your internal solitude in a crowd can take a little practice.
There is also a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Loneliness is an emotional state and can be just as present in a bustling crowd as in the deep forest. I am alone a lot. I don’t remember the last time I felt lonely.
Staying healthy in solitude (physically and psychologically) requires a combination of both external and internal self-sufficiency. External self-sufficiency gives you the necessary level of skill, knowledge and confidence to physically take care of yourself (in forest, city or any other locale). Internal self-sufficiency gives you the wisdom and psychological wholeness to make good decisions on your own behalf, feel content with them afterward, and find satisfaction and happiness with or without the applause or approval of others.
These aspects of self-sufficiency are valuable to everyone – not just hermits. In our hyper-connected culture, personal self-sufficiency tends to take a back seat to the mistaken belief there is always someone to call for help. I have serious concerns for people who are NEVER off their mobile phone, not just because of the traffic hazard they pose, but because they are never quiet enough to listen to their own thoughts, or practice any level of internal self-sufficiency.
You’ve seen these people at the grocery store – people who can’t decide which brand of pasta to buy without a phone consultation. I don’t know how they manage when they get to that “dead zone” on Aisle 10. You just know these are the same people who jam up the 911 system when the power goes out, whether or not they are facing any real danger. Of course, speaking as Dances-with-Bears, I know ”dangerous” is subjectively defined. I don’t doubt that sitting in the dark with no television or internet connection could be a real terror for some. But perhaps their biggest night terror is the unfamiliar and unaccompanied sound of their own thoughts.
I do know if you don’t get adept at handling the little things, making those routine, unimportant decisions on your own – you won’t be ready in the critical situations when the big, difficult choices come along. And unless you lead an extremely sheltered life, they will come along.
