In this week of cascading celebrity mortalities, and the resultant gnashing and wailing by media and fans, I was initially embarrassed that I live in a culture of such profound celebrity worship. But then empathy kicked in.
After all, the families and friends of the celebrities suffer no more or less than the countless other ordinary families who this week must face the loss of a loved one. Premature and unexpected, or the anticipated death of an elder – loss is loss.
Perhaps when we mourn deeply for a celebrity, someone we don’t really know, we’re facing down our terror – practicing for the inevitable death of someone truly close; or perhaps we’re further resolving a grief we already carry. Grief is a necessary and unavoidable part of the human experience, no less real whether we grieve for a close loved one, a beloved pet or a cherished celebrity. We should not judge the validity or import of another person’s grief, but rather remind ourselves of the common path we travel.
This beautiful poem was written by my cousin, Janelle Olney. Janelle was an oncology nurse for many years – not just serving cancer patients, but also counseling their families:
The Letting Go by Janelle Marie Olney
Here you wait, in this room of hissing machines, and whispering loved ones.
Touched by latex covered hands, you open your eyes long enough to say “I’m still here.”
I know you’ll be leaving soon.
On the street below people go about their day, unaware of this unfolding drama that dwarfs their mundane concerns.
Something this momentous should trigger lightning strikes, or cause the very stars to darken in the sky.
But it’s only death come calling. Stealing in on quiet feet and taking you away.
An empty chair at the table.
An empty pillow on the bed.
An awful empty hole in the hearts of your wife, your children, and those who will always remember you were here.
Death is so cruel in its ordinariness.
People die every day, and two are born to take their place.
But ordinary is not a word that will occur to those whose lives will soon be torn apart by the letting go of you.
Janelle’s loving son, sisters and parents were kind enough to share this poem with us at Janelle’s funeral, three years ago. Janelle’s death was accidental – she was 48 years old.
Awesome write.
Raven
http://cherokeebydesign.wordpress.com/
I knew Janelle from grade and middle school on Vashon in the ’70s. I was in the same class as her sister Janine. I always thought Janelle was the most beautiful girl in the world! I read her mom’s obituary online today and saw that Janelle passed in 2006. My condolences to her family. I’m glad I found this site – it seems she was as smart, caring and talented as she was beautiful.
I worked with Janelle at Group Health in 1995-1996, and remember what an amazing and beautiful soul she was, and to me, still is. Janelle was exceptional in everything about her, and she appreciated the exceptional in others as well. I havee before me a simple note with her handwriting on it for a meeing we would attend togther, even that was elegant about her!
After a number of events in my life passed, I wanted to return to the friendship I had begun in our working relationship. She was resourceful, giving, compassionate, has a great sense of humor, and was never without a smile that brightened the Oncology clinic where we both worked. She always brought me another reason to look forward to going to work each day.
She was especially kind to me when she heard the news of my father’s passing in April of 1996. She had a huge heart, and a warmth to her spirit that was both embracing and endearing. Just as a coworker and friend, I quickly grew to Love Janelle for who she is, and still remains today.
For all these reasons and so much more, I could not and will not forget Janelle, which brought me back to search out what had happened with her. I am deeply saddened at the news of her loss, and a profound one at that. The absence of Janelle’s bright presence is deeply felt in my heart, I will always miss her!
For Jamen, I know your Mother Loved you dearly, I interrupted her many times when she was on the phone with you at work, I know she was absolutely committed to you with great passion. We would share lunch across the street at Toshi’s Teriyaki (We both LOVED that place!), and talk about life. You were always on her mind. You certainly held the lion’s share of her heart!
For Janelle’s family, I can see the atmosphere of Love that you all lived in, the character of which poured out through her life personally. I am certain that each of you is no different, because I am certain Janelle would have rubbed off some of her unique qualities if anything lacked. I am certain you miss her beyond what words and expression can muster.
And thank you Trish for sharing this poem. I share her passion for poetry and the deep reflection that she elicited in her writings. Since I worked at Group Health and later at Univ. of Washington’s Medical Center, her words resonate in my heart also through this poem.
Since that time, and because of the significance of each life represented in this poem, it also resonates with my choice to leave medical work from a clinical standpoint, and to serve others in pastoral care and hospital chaplaincy.
That, by the way, took place in 2006. With this knowledge today, I know Janelle would be most supportive of my career change, and I know she would tell me that I am greatly needed in doing what I committed myself to do. So, I will take license of these facts to memorialize her spirit and compassion to take along with me as I minister to the needs of others.
To that end, if someone could e-mail me a copy of a photo of Janelle, I would like permission to create a little wallet card to take with me in her memory to share with those I meet along the way. This would be a great honor for me to remember Janelle in this manner!
Finally, I will find one of my poems or writings that I shared with Janelle, and post it here. It will also be a tribute to her also!
My heart is still so full of countless thoughts that I wish to write, but I will sum it up in one word again regarding one word that deeply and passionately endears my thoughts at this moment of Janelle: Love. She Lived it, I saw it, and as I said, that Love lives on. Love never dies. To that end, Janelle lives on!
With deepest respect, sympathy and Love,
Michael David S. Severson
mdseverson60@yahoo.com