Though not religious, I do not define myself as an atheist or even an agnostic really. However, my spiritual beliefs are so vague and personally defined (some would say ill-defined), that I’m sure there are many who consider me “godless” by their standards. And perhaps I am godless since I resist using the word “god” – it has so many built-in religious connotations.
I do believe in a something-moreness, though: collective consciousness, ultimate source, transcendent connectedness, immanent divine creative field – something in each of us and all of us beyond randomness or biology. I also hold fast to a positivity about some variety of continuance beyond biological mortality – though I’m not addicted to a particular outcome – other than I most assuredly do not believe in hell or other similar eternal punishment scenarios. Frankly, those particular religious stories just seem mean-spirited (excuse the pun). A universal benevolence is integral to my spiritual orientation.
I believe I have personally experienced some moments of personal realization of this benevolent something-moreness – during meditation or contemplation – I call it a fearless peace. It’s a feeling of being enveloped in a radiant lovingness. It doesn’t really matter to me whether my experience is just a fabricated emotional state inspired by a quiet, peaceful landscape; or a particular sequence of neurons firing inside my brain in reaction to trouble or uncertainty – I like the feeling, it’s reassuring. I’m not likely to abandon it. Nor am I likely to pursue it with life-altering zeal – nor feel the need to. It’s always there, I have access to it when I need it. But it’s a bit like a wild animal – hard pursuit alters my relationship with it and moves it further away. Just accepting it as integral to the way things are allows for the comfortable sharing of ground.
Today is Easter. I had enough peripheral Christian upbringing that I can watch the big celebrations with a reasonable level of understanding and appreciation. Even though the whole crucifixion/resurrection tale seems a bit grisly to me, I do like the idea of miracles. Miracle is a good word for the inexplicable – whether it’s a spontaneous remission or some other variety of surviving the unsurvivable; the simpler stuff, like the beauty of a flower or the birth of a child; or the grander versions of those – like love or life itself.
Although I look to science more than spirituality to gain understanding of the world, science itself is something of a miracle when it comes right down to it. I don’t begrudge scientists who pursue the “god” particle – or the “god” neuron, although I think there will always be a part of the unknown that will remain unknowable. Whether collectively or individually, I tend to think by the time we find the ultimate answers, we’ll no longer need to know.
I go through phases of spiritual curiosity and pursuit, then step back – studying the details sometimes feels more like it’s obscuring truth rather than revealing it. I don’t know if it’s inspiration or defensive reaction, but the noisy religious holidays do set me to thinking about these themes more than usual, and perhaps I should thank the biggies for that at least. This Easter week I’ve been working on a simple way to describe my spiritual orientation without committing to a particular label. So far I’ve got it down to this: I’m confident there’s something afoot beyond randomness and I’m comforted by an ever-present certainty in the overall benevolence of uncertainty.
Some would call that godless. Others might call it God.
Trish – Another beautifully written piece.
found my way here doing a search on dirty sally, a gunsmoke episode. nice site, i find the content very interesting.
peas and hominy,
bill