Family – Blog From A Hermit Dot Com

“May you know that absence is full of tender presence…” – John O’Donohue

April 10, 2011

A Blessing For Absence
May you know that absence is full of tender presence
and that nothing is ever lost or forgotten.
May the absences in your life be full of eternal echo
May you sense around you the secret Elsewhere which holds
the presences that have left your life.
May you be generous in your embrace of loss.
May the sore of your grief turn into a well of seamless presence.
May your compassion reach out to the ones we never hear
from and may you have the courage to speak out for the
excluded ones.
May you become the gracious and passionate subject of your own life.
May you not disrespect your mystery through brittle words or false belonging.
May you be embraced by God in whom dawn and twilight
are one and may your longing inhabit its deepest dreams
within the shelter of the Great Belonging.
-John O’Donohue
Eternal Echoes

via Whiskey River

By Trish | Posted in Family, Nature, Philosophy, Poetry, Quotes | Tagged bereavement, John O'Donohue, Poetry | Comments off

“You cannot live and keep free of briars” – William Carlos Williams

April 5, 2011

Saturday, when we returned from several days away, it was clearly apparent that both cats were extremely ill. Dart had a palpable lump on his hip and an obvious wound on one paw. Both cats were extemely lethargic and not eating. A short walk with Dodge demonstrated weakness in her hind quarters, she was unable to jump up to her normal perches. Both cats slept and hid under the beds emerging from their dens only long enough to drink water and whine plaintiffly at me. Dodge, in particular, has never been a very vocal cat.

Although, Dart had some symptoms of lethargy before we left, Dodge had barely started demonstrating a low appetite. She’d been out hunting in the sunshine and seemed fine. I thought perhaps she’d eaten a mouse that was moving through her system slowly. Dart had been lethargic (for him), but he was jumping up on the bed with ease and showed no points of pain. His robust purr was in good working order whenever I handled him. I noted the lump and decided I’d take him to the vet when we returned. Neither cat seemed critical enough to warrant a pre-trip vet visit. Their feral natures have always made vet visits very stressful.

Fortunately, Pet Emergency Center in Mount Vernon, Washington, is open 24/7 including Sundays. So adding insult to the cat’s miseries, I got them into carriers and off we went. I knew matters were serious just by how little they fought being placed in the carriers.

Blood work demonstratead immediately that Dodge was in advanced renal failure. Dr. Jane Reynolds was frank. “If this were my cat, I wouldn’t treat. The values are extreme. In attempting to get the blood test, it was apparent that her veins are breaking down.” Euthanasia was the only option. I spent quite a few minutes with Dodge, soothing her and holding her. It was obvious she was ready. She passed very peacefully with her head in my hands. We’ll never know for sure why she declined so rapidly at the age of 13. When you allow your cats the freedom of the great outdoors, there are always risks of exposure to many unknowns – some of them toxic.

Dart could not be effectively examined without sedation. The presumption was that the lump was an abscess. His white count was extremely high. Dr. Reynolds suggested we go home and she would call post-surgically. Unfortunately, the surgery demonstrated the lump was the tip of an extremely large tumor. With Dart’s white count as high as it was, Dr. Reynolds doubted if he would survive the invasive surgery that would have been necessary to remove the tumor. Unfortunately, we had no opportunity to say goodbye. There was no point it bringing him out of anesthetic before euthanizing him as well. I always worried about Dart’s love of traversing the railroad ties that support our ivy. Even though most of the creosote was weathered off the tops, I can’t help but wonder if exposure to those toxins played a role in the development of the tumor. We won’t get more cats until we have an opportunity to replace the ties. Cats are notorious for going where they want to go, not where you want them to go.

There are now two piles of rocks under a large cedar which I can see out the kitchen window. My wonderful friends now lie in repose where they once frolicked and lived life fully. My heart is broken, but I’m doing okay. Part of pet ownership always includes taking the responsibility of not allowing them to suffer. Losing both in one day is almost too much for the emotions to grasp. The house is quiet. I spent quite a bit of time yesterday, clearing cat dishes, bedding, toys and other reminders from the house. It’ll be some time before we’re ready to start again. In the meantime, it seems easiest to not be looking at the memories daily.

I am not religious but I have strong non-religious spiritual beliefs. Loss gets no easier, but my confidence in some variety of continuity grows stronger with each passing year. There may be no guarantees about what happens after death, but certainly suffering is relieved and profound love continues to comfort those of us who must grieve. I like to think death is the beginning of new adventures, I have strong confidence in the benevolence of that grand and final uncertainty.

Dart

Goodbye, my freinds. Thank you for enriching my life. May your new adventures bring you as much joy as you brought to me during our brief time together.

Dodge

“Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!” CANON HENRY SCOTT HOLLAND (1847-1918)

quotation via The Solitary Walker

By Trish | Posted in Cats, Family, Friends, Home, Philosophy, Quotes, Spirituality | Tagged bereavement, loss of pet, responsibility of pet ownership | Comments off

Pats, Irishness & Bagpipes at Funerals

March 17, 2011

Dad was named after St. Patrick and he was proud of his Irishness though he was just as much English and Scottish and above all American. He made it to Ireland briefly during World War II, though he spent most of his three overseas years in England. Had it not been for the war, he may never have met his grandfather.

Dad’s birthday was March 18, so St. Patrick’s Day just started the celebration in my childhood home. My parents were not big drinkers, but a little Irishness and the “wearin’ o’ the green” seemed to get the laughter rolling without a lot of alcohol. Shared laughter as a vital part of family love is one of the greatest gifts my parents gave me.

Dad was also a firefighter. The bagpipes at his funeral were as much for his profession as for his Irishness. The American tradition of bagpipes at funerals for police officers and firefighters stems from the our “potato famine” Irish immigration days, when many Irish immigrants could find no other work than the most dangerous professions. For awhile in the United States, being a firefighter became synonymous with being Irish. The bagpipe tradition has endured.

Interestingly, my father also chose the firefighter’s life for economic reasons. His family had a tough time during the Great Depression. He left school at the age of 14 to help support his family. After the war, Dad’s firefighter-brother-in-law sold him on firefighting as a “depression proof” career.

I was named after my father, so indirectly I too was named after St. Patrick. Until college, I was actually called Pat at school and Trish only at home. In high school (in those long lost days of only one land-line phone per household), boys would call up and ask for Pat; and (much to their terror) the next voice they heard was that of my father.

With the start of college, I chose Trish for both public and private venues and ultimately legally changed my name from Patricia to Trish for consistency’s sake. I sometimes wonder if I’d have become a whole other person had my parents chosen “Patty” as the at-home nickname. Either way, it is a testament to the loving family environment my parents provided that, even in those break-away teenage years, I chose to become who I was in their home over who I was among my school friends.

Thank you Dad. You’ll always be the true St. Patrick in my life.

Whether or not you believe in an afterlife, it is a truism that our loved ones watch over us after they’re gone - at the very least poetically; and in our memories, most certainly psychologically. It is from them that we learn to love and learn to laugh - core skills of personal resilience. Love and laughter endure far beyond the death of any or all of the beloved.

By Trish | Posted in Family, Home, Personal History, Psychology | Tagged bagpipes at firefighter funerals, Irish, St Patricks Day | Comments off

Choosing to Remain Snowed In

February 25, 2011

We only have about 16 inches of snow and we could get out with the truck if necessary – the driveway slopes downhill to the gate. Getting back in – at least getting all the way back uphill to the house - becomes problematic if we don’t plow the driveway. In 2008′s big snow, we learned that plowing the driveway with our tractor is arduous (no angled blade) and leaves a big mess after the thaw as a certain amount of gravel winds up displaced with the snow.

Griz’s tender back is in highly tender phase right now and the weather guys are promising warming by Sunday, so we’ve chosen to leave ourselves snowed in. It’s an easy decision for us - a full pantry and freezer, a warm stove, lots of gas for the generator if needed, and assorted other little self-sufficiencies are a natural part of our lifestyle. Plus – there’s nowhere else that we absolutely have to be.

We usually ship Tools-n-Gizmos orders the same day they arrive, but we posted an online notice indicating we won’t ship until Monday this time. Most of our regular customers know we’re not a big operation. They appreciate the personal attention they usually get and are thus very forgiving about the occasional glitch. There’s great value in not pretending to be something you’re not.

In the quiet whiteness, I’m again thankful for the lifestyle we’ve arranged for ourselves. Solitude isn’t everyone’s cup of tea – many can’t arrange it, even if they want it. But for us - choosing solitude when we want or need it is an easy and extraordinarily valuable option.

I’ve posted more of this year’s snow pics on Flickr.

By Trish | Posted in Family, Nature, Silence, Solitude, Weather | Tagged choosing solitude, Pacific Northwest snow 2011, snow, snowed-in, Solitude | Comments off

Life’s Soundtracks, Love’s Soundtracks – An Early Valentine

February 3, 2011

I did a post awhile back about not getting stuck with the music of our youth and I still consider it important to regularly sample contemporary music and add what we like to our playlists. But some music of our youths is too imporant to let go. Over time, specific music becomes our life’s soundtrack. Memories of the time resurface with each listening.

All great romances should have “a song” which lingers from the courtship days. For Griz and me, it’s Sheena Easton’s “For Your Eyes Only” – perfect for its lyrics, enhanced by the fact that it was the title song of a James Bond film complete with sexy opening-title visuals. And although Roger Moore wasn’t my favorite James Bond [Connery & Craig], for us sailors, this film’s pre-digitial underwater photography was well worth the price of admission.

Griz and I have been together for more than 30 years. Today is our 29th wedding anniversary. Happy Anniversary, Griz:

Another Sheena Easton song that came out during the same time period resonated with me and remains one of my favorites:

Sigh. Pretty close – though Griz nearly always ”sticks to his guns.” “Abandoning the fight” has never been a comfortable option for him, but he has mellowed over the years. And I hope he realizes how much I appreciate the many concessions he’s made on my behalf. One of the things we have in common – neither of us is particularly easy to live with. Fortunately, with benefit of time, romance is augmented by the symbiotic gestalt of mutual admiration and respect, not to mention just plain old getting used to one another. Griz and I disagree from time to time, but we very rarely fight.

Recent research indicates happy, long-term marriages most often contain an “expansive” element. Rather than the old paradigm of “two people becoming one” (and ultimately more alike) - each member of the couple feels his individuality is expanded by the presence of the other. It’s 1 + 1 = 3 (2 healthy individuals plus 1 relationship). That fits. It’s a great partnership model and a very comfortable place to be.

By Trish | Posted in Family, Movies, Music | Tagged anniversary, For Your Eyes only, marital accord, romantic songs, Sheena Easton | Comments off

Wandering Into Timeless Obscurity (and Back Out)

December 30, 2010

It was a non-decision. I didn’t intentionally stop blogging. I just stopped blogging. I didn’t plan or expect to be gone for months. I just inadvertently wandered away and didn’t wander back. It was not a formal end to my blogging experiment; it was just a comfortable drop into timeless obscurity – no need to report, [...]

“Just fun”

March 17, 2010

Griz forwarded this to me with the above subject. It’s a rare song or music video that captures Griz’ attention. I’m posting it here so we can both find it easily (and just in case any of you missed it.) Eight million views in just over two weeks – there’s method in this madness. I like the music, too, but would probably buy it just to honor the effort.

This Too Shall Pass by OK Go

“Any real record person knows that the number one most powerful marketing tool when it comes to music is repetition.” – Nile Rodgers

By Trish | Posted in Art, Family, Humor, Music | Tagged OK Go This Too Shall Pass Music video, Rube Goldberg machine | Comments off

Global Warming Humming

March 4, 2010

Global warming (anthropogenic or otherwise) is a hard sell to anyone who’s freezing his butt off fighting the hardest winter he can remember. And though repackaging global warming as climate change is probably a wise move, it’s just human nature to let broader perspectives and scientific conjectures rest completely while coping with the immediacy of “what’s happening to me right now.” (If you haven’t seen Stephen Colbert’s recent comedy sketch about this, I highly recommend it. I particularly liked Colbert’s professor of peekaboo-ology.)

Climate change is almost a non-term here in Western Washington where the weather is so variable year to year, climate change seems almost normal. Unlike the rest of the Northern Hemisphere, we’ve just had our warmest winter on record. Last winter we had our taste of the ice age.

But in spite of recent controversies which expose some extremely-careless or just-plain-bad science, there’s some good science behind global warming, too. Weather extremes are integral to the theory, so discounting the whole idea because your butt’s cold today is definitely throwing the baby out with the bath water.

On the other hand, there’s some very smart people countering the theory and some very good science behind their counter claims. Ironically, the very reason we find global warming so hard to believe when our butts are cold mirrors the reason why global warming has rational skeptics. It really is difficult for us humans (including scientists) to stand far enough back from our tiny little lives to get accurate, objective perceptions. From a geological perspective, the global warming theory itself is just a report on what’s happening right now. Several decades of climate statistics do not necessarily make an arguable trend. Well, obviously it is arguable, but that’s not the same as provable.

But it’s the furor of this discourse that deserves applause. It means awareness of environmental degradation (whatever the cause) has whole-heartedly entered our public consciousness. A recent New York Times article pointed out that therapists are even seeing a trend in environmental issues as a significant cause for family discord. And as much I hate to see families in stress, the environmental dialog matters; and the things that matter most to us should be discussed (and sometimes argued about) in our homes. An integral environmental consciousness – public and private – represents true progress.

I have warmist leanings. There’s much more to the theory than whether you should be driving a Prius or a Hummer. But selling global warming as yet another variety of armageddonism is counterproductive and unnecessary. Extremes always create backlash. Most of the noise between warmists and their skeptics is not about whether humans are negatively impacting the environment, it’s about how, what’s the timeline and what’s the fix.

Anyone completely devoid of environmental awareness at this point is either under-educated, living in impoverished desperation, or choosing to remain intentionally blind. Lack of education and impoverished desperation are both forgivable, and illiteracy and poverty must be addressed as part a holistic environmental dialog. But intentional blindness, whether motivated by greed or just laziness, is no excuse at all.

But that’s another human foible, isn’t it – it often takes the noise of controversy to force our eyes open. It’s called awakening.

“When people generally are aware of a problem, it can be said to have entered the public consciousness. When people get on their hind legs and holler, the problem has not only entered the public consciousness — it has also become a part of the public conscience. At that point, things in our democracy begin to hum.”

- Hubert Humphrey

By Trish | Posted in Education, Family, Hermit's Rants, Nature, Psychology, Science, Weather | Tagged AGW, climate change, global warming controversy, Hubert Humphrey quotations, Pacific Northwest weather and climate, Psychology, Stephen Colbert | Comments off

Looking for a Blue Tarzan

February 13, 2010

I wanted to see Avatar again before I drew any definitive conclusions. Griz and I have been sci-fi fans forever, but Griz periodically dozed off during our second viewing (he’d only gotten a few hours of sleep the night before). And although I stayed awake, I have to admit I was more restless and impatient than I anticipated. The 3D shock-and-awe just didn’t compensate for the thin plot and dialog on the second run. I was more irritated by the noise and violence.

Still – I’m glad I saw it again. The visual artistry is worth a second take. I noticed a lot visually that I missed the first time and I look forward to a sequel.

After all, it’s not as if James Cameron doesn’t warn us about the simplicity of his parable. If the stereotypical characters don’t jump out at you early on, by the time you hear the word “unobtainium,” you should have a clue. James Cameron’s forte has always been special effects. An old story with a new look works for him (and apparently his audience). Everyone who saw Titanic knew the outcome before they entered the theater.

I suspect James Cameron has great fun making movies, and I think he wants his audiences to have fun, too. Nothing wrong with that. Giving the Nav’i elongated canine teeth is such a clear ploy for today’s vampire popularity that it’s laughable. He probably threw in many of Avatar’s other cliches and plot deficits just for fun, too (perhaps to see if we’d notice). Cameron’s close enough to my age that I’m sure he saw the same old Johnny Weissmuller Tarzan movies on TV that I did as a youngster. In Avatar, the only thing missing when the deus-ex-machina beasties stampede in to save the Nav’i is this:

And from what I’ve read, it seems most people (including reviewers) come away from Avatar with the message they took into the theater beforehand. The rejecters reject the same things they always reject, the admirers admire the same things they always admire. Appreciating good art is like that – the best art offers each of us an intimate subjective experience. With Avatar, gamers get a techie game, spiritual seekers get transcendence (although some devout reject Avatar altogether as promoting paganism), environmentalists get ecological connectivity, pessimists get to feel depressed because Earth isn’t as sublime as Pandora, optimists get to hope Earth is becoming Pandora. Lots of good guys and bad guys to go around – with cross-overs and a paradox or two.

Here’s what I walked into the theater with: I am fortunate enough to live in an area where Earth’s vibrant glory is readily accessible and visually competes damn well with anything you can create digitally. This, of course, keeps me fairly optimistic about life in general and our environmental direction in particular. Though not religious – spiritually, I lean toward nonduality.

Here’s the message I took out of the theater: The Nav’i R Us. We are rejecting our small, violent selves and becoming something larger. We are connected to all life, but life itself is a school and there are often mortal risks associated with learning to make the important connections. Ultimately, caring and connectivity will prevail and we’ll choose to banish our small, violent selves.

But the best thing about Avatar is this: popular movies are a reflection of our cultural consciousness. Even if the ideas are presented in elemental terms to reach the masses, ticket sales in response to Avatar’s themes of environmental responsibility and global connectivity represent very positive trends.

I had fun, too.

By Trish | Posted in Art, Family, Movies, Nature, Philosophy, Spirituality, Television | Tagged Avatar motion picture, James Cameron movies, Johnny Weissmuller, Nav'i R Us, Tarzan | Comments off

It’s Not Just Curiosity – It’s Courage

February 8, 2010

Think about it. You really do have to admire cats for their courage. Their diminutive size alone makes their cultivation of human alliances fairly courageous. Their tolerance of human stupidity is endearing.

Our formerly feral cats seem very smart. I don’t know whether their innate intelligence helped them survive in the wild, or if surviving in the wild enhanced their intelligence. I do know neither of them would be stupid enough to leave smelly things exposed in bear country like this brave cat’s humans did:

It took some time after Dodge adopted us before she became comfortable sitting in my lap. She was initially very nervous in front of the television, though she eventually realized my television viewing often created lap opportunities for her.

During her first year with us, I started watching a nature program while petting her. The nature program was about black bears with some very clear footage of a black bear walking toward the camera. When Dodge noticed the television bear, she stood in my lap and growled. As she continued to watch, she first moved to the chair arm and then to the floor beside the chair. She alternated focusing on the bear and looking at my face while vocalizing short bursts of alarm to make sure I’d also noticed the bear.

She could not smell the bear, of course, so she was uncertain, but she was clearly familiar with the visual configuration of a black bear. Was this instinctual? Or had she dealt with bears during her forest life? We’ve speculated that may be what happened to the rest of her litter. (When Dodge first arrived at our house, Dart was her only remaining kitten.)

But whatever the reason, it was obvious Dodge wanted nothing to do with bears. Even so, she stayed by my side, coaxing, until she convinced me to leave with her. How stupid was I anyway?

At that point in our relationship, Dodge still identified outdoors as the safest haven from any perceived threat, so per her wishes, I let her out onto the deck. (If you’re thinking she only coaxed me out of the chair so she could get outside – she also had a cat door she could have used.)

I followed her outside and the first thing she did was walk furtively to the north end of the deck where she peeked carefully around the corner of the house, so she could see the opposite corner (which the television backs up to). She was apparently checking to see if the bear was still out there. Perhaps her understanding of broadcast vs. live bears was limited, but her accurate spatial orientation between the inside and the outside of the house surprised me. So did her loyalty and courage.