Blogopause with Aside of Cat Blogging

Where’d she go? I realize it’s been almost three weeks since I posted.  That probably shouldn’t  bother me or anyone else at this point; though I do wish I hadn’t read all those best-blogging-practices articles before I started this blog. “Three posts per week plus three comments per week on other blogs” always sticks in [...]

A Ramble on Life’s Soundtracks, Old Music & New

Donna Woodka recently posted this video and the associated lyrics (following) on her Changing Places blog with one of her wonderful theme posts entitled Searching.

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As my life goes on I believe
Somehow something’s changed
Something deep inside
Ooh a part of me

There’s a strange new light in my eyes
Things I’ve never known
Changin’ my life
Changin’ me

I’ve been searchin’
So long
To find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning

Now I see myself as I am
Feeling very free
Life is everything
Ooh it’s meant to be
When my tears have come to an end
I will understand
What I left behind
Part of me…

As usual, Donna’s post was good thought-food, though for some reason I wound up thinking more about the music than about searching.  (Well, I did spend some time reflecting on what I might have been searching for in 1974 [the year Chicago released Searching So Long] and whether I found it or ultimately abandoned the quest.)  But the music from her post lingered. Part of the fun of looking back at the music is noticing how perspective gives the lyrics refreshing new meaning.

I wound up wondering at what point the music of our childhood (often our parents’ music) transitions to our own music and not theirs. For some of us, it’s that intentionally cultivated point where our preferred music alienates our parents, but that’s not always true. The methods for teenagers to alienate their parents are many and sundry – and always have been. Music may or may not be involved.

But if you’re a music person (even just an appreciator, like me), important memories always wind up tied to whatever music surrounds you at the time of any life passage, phase or event. Ever after, that music stimulates the memories of the associated events and vice versa. I suppose that’s not so great for those who hang on to the lousy memories – and there is some music which stimulates sad memories for me. But I don’t dwell on the sadness when I hear the music. I just reflect on the lessons learned or losses endured and charge onward to a different soundtrack (or playlist) to snap myself out of the maudlin if I get stuck there.

Of course, like other memories of youth, the music of youth often seems more vivid and lasting than some of the later additions. Psychologically, this has more to do with the youthful memories (and music) falling on a fresh canvas than it does (as some youngsters think) with the terminally declining mental acuity of us oldsters. Yes, there is such a thing as age-related memory loss – but not everyone over 40 is trapped in a downward spiral into dementia. In youth, many things, including music, are hooked into memory as extremely relevant because of their newness. Ultimately, experience diminishes the novelty factor and memories in later life are stored in a very crowded filing system. As we mature, we also get significantly more efficient at forgetting (intentionally or subconsciously) the irrelevant. And our definition of relevant changes dramatically – or should.

But I think it’s important not to get stuck only with the music of our younger years. I continue to allow new music to seep into my life. Since I don’t really have any other handy sources and I don’t spend very much online time listening to music, I frequently listen to fm radio while driving as a method of familiarizing myself with new music and younger artists. This gets me 5+ hours per week of serendipitous music discovery. Though listening to radio may itself be an archaic and outdated (hopefully, not dying) method, when I find something I like, I do have an iPod for downloading it.

Of course, whether a song is on the top 40 (if that still exists per se), which artists are dating each other, and what any of them are wearing is totally irrelevant to me.  But I never was into that aspect of the music scene. And I admit, I’ve never developed a true appreciation of rap. But as a writer, I’ve long appreciated lyrics, and rap has significantly improved the lyrics of all genres. There’s as much talent out there as ever.

The old music is important and meaningful, but I think it’s also important not to get stuck with only your old tunes. Like other retreats we inadvertently wander into as we age – closing the door on the new limits our perspective, our opportunities, and our readiness to keep up the searchand therein may be the passage from mature to just plain old.

The Energetic Gestalt of Group Sing

In my opinion, Straight No Chaser’s 1998 version of the 12 days of Christmas is still one of the best. (Don’t stop the video early, especially if you’ve somehow missed this version in the past -  surprises await you.)

I was in choir and smaller chorales from one end to the other of my K-12 school years. I have fond memories of the energetic gestalt of group sing – palpable here, I think:

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As a naturally introverted youngster, I was lucky to find a group activity that worked for me.  I was also fortunate to attend large urban schools (Seattle) with excellent, well-funded music programs. Choral singing allowed me to develop social skills and a comfort with teamwork I might have missed if left to my loner tendencies. There’s something about the mutual creation of music that allows an introvert to participate, yet still remain partially insulated from the barrage of interaction present in most large group situations.

Loving, Liking, & Living With: The Vista from the Long Haul

Michelle Obama, to Oprah on The Christmas at the White House special (via psychobabble): “I think we have a wonderful marriage. I love my husband.  He’s my best friend. But I always like to talk honestly about it because I think about other young couples who think there are no struggles to get here. And [...]

Solitude, SHOULD & The Hermit Uncertainty Principle

Tree surgeon trimming a tree

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I admit it. One of my attractions to solitude is the free pass it provides – a free pass from should. When you live in solitude, no one cares if you’re naked or nocturnal – as long as you’re self-supporting (sometimes tough in solitude) and not bothering anyone (extremely easy in solitude). Why would anyone [...]

“What is explicitly two, can at the same time be implicitly one.” – Alan Watts

“Everybody, by virtue of being a human being, is willy-nilly a metaphysician.”

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Speaker: Alan Watts

Music: Svefn-G-Englar by Sigur Ros from Soundtrack to Vanilla Sky

Posted on YouTube by redliterocket4 (Matthew Segall)

Special thanks to Twitteur extraordinaire @gregorylent for tweeting the link to this video.

The Reminder: If You Could Comprehend the Physics…You’d Probably Wet Your Pants

On my routine shipping run into Stanwood this afternoon, I missed mortal injury or death by a few millimeters plus the seemingly disconnected, minor decisions of several other drivers. It’s one of those situations where if you could comprehend the physics while you’re participating and watching, you’d probably wet your pants. But what actually happens is you watch with only enough time to groan “OMG” and then it’s all over. You and everyone else has escaped unharmed, and you drive away in sort of a daze.

While you’re driving on, you think about what happened – the near miss and all the circumstances that led up to it – the hazardous speed of a dump truck driver, the carelessness of a pick-up driver on his way home from work, the fortunate carefulness of a guy pulling a loaded, four-horse trailer, and the untimely coincidence of your own presence behind the horses. It’s one of those things that changes your attitude for the rest of the day. You feel more alive because you are alive - full of gratitude that, this time, the sequence played out in your favor.

Decision No. 1: Me without my DRIVER ON. At the first intersection after leaving home, I could have pulled out in front of Horse-Trailer-Guy. There was really enough room, but even though I was on a non-congested rural road, I knew I didn’t have my driver together yet. It’s one of the hazards of frequently traversing uncongested rural roads -  you can go for a long time without thinking very hard about driving. Most of the time, doing so poses no hazard to you or anyone else. I’m not a pushy driver, generally, though I can press it when I have to. But when I know the driver hasn’t kicked in yet, I’m more cautious. So today, I let Horse-Trailer-Guy go by before I pulled onto to the next, slightly busier road behind him.

And as soon as Horse-Trailer-Guy went by, I admonished myself for not getting in front of him. He moves horses around here all the time. He’s undoubtedly a very good mover of horses – he’s cautious and slow around corners and at stops. He gives the horses time to adjust to the motion. But it’s a pain in the butt to follow him to Stanwood with no way to get around.  I was settling in to being stuck behind him for the whole trip as we approached the intersection of our “reminder.”

The intersection of our close call was where Old Highway 99 meets 300th Street NW. Old Highway 99 parallels Interstate 5 in this area and the intersection of our near demise is really an awkward, though staggered, five-point junction, with a mom & pop convenience store/gas station on one corner. There are no Stop signs on Hwy 99, but speed limits through this awkward junction are reduced from 50 to 35 mph. Horse-Trailer-Guy and I were moving north on Highway 99 where we would both turn left just before the gas station. Because we had just turned onto Hwy 99 from one of the other five points, our speed was less than 25 mph.

Decision No. 2:   Dump-Truck-Guy was hauling ass southbound on Hwy 99 at what I assess at more than 60 mph (with absolutely no slowing for the junction). His was an empty side-dumper, double tractor trailer.  It was almost 4 p.m, Friday afternoon.DumpTruckCrunch Dump-Truck-Guy was either on his way back to the barn because he had plans for Friday night, maybe he needed to make it to his son’s football game – or he was trying to get one more load in before the end of the day. He should have been on I-5 if he wanted to haul ass, but he must have thought he could bypass the state patrol, or take a shortcut on 99. He may not have been familiar with this slow-down junction, or (like so many of us on these low volume rural highways), he just wasn’t concentrating on his driving.

Decision No. 3:  Pick-Up Truck Guy was pulling out after just buying his beer and cigarettes at the convenience store. I think he was in “Friday afternoon, now-the-fun-begins, I’m-almost-home-and-the-driving-is-easy” mode. Pick-Up-Truck-Guy didn’t have a clear sight up Highway 99 or he just didn’t look at all (because, after all, we were on uncongested, quiet rural highways), but (whatever) he decided to pull out from the left into the path of the oncoming dump truck.

Decsion No. 4:  Horse Trailer Guy had a clear view of the impending disaster (which I did not initially because my vision was obstructed by the horse trailer).  Fortunately for us all – fast-thinking, Horse-Trailer-Guy pulled his rig toward the right just in time so the fast-moving dump-truck barreling down on us could swerve across the line to narrowly avoid colliding with the front end of the pick-up. It is also fortunate that Pick-Up-Truck-Guy got stopped partially into the lane and, thus, didn’t T-bone or get T-boned; and Dump-Truck Guy maintained control of his empty trailers in the swerve, even though it looked like they were heeled over on one set of wheels.  If Pick-Up-Truck-Guy did not soil himself when the wall of tractor/trailers barreled through his view out the windshield, he should have.

I was far enough behind the horse trailer that the dump truck was back in his own lane by the time he whizzed by me, but because of my alignment, I think I’m the only one who had a clear sight of what a near miss this was – there were mere inches between the tractor-trailer and the pick-up. And blink…

We all went merrily on our ways – although I did notice Pick-Up-Truck-Guy pulled back into the convenience store parking lot – possibly to tidy up a bit.

As I faithfully (and with no desire to pass)  followed Horse-Trailer-Guy the rest of the way into Stanwood, I contemplated what would have happened if the pick-up had even slightly tapped the empty dump trailers going at that velocity. Not only would the pick-up have spun or rolled to who knows where, but the trailers would undoubtedly have launched or slid right into me and the horses.  That thought put a lump in my gut for the rest of my drive.

Just a routine trip into town on a Friday afternoon.  Of course, being the thinker that I am, I spent the rest of my errand-running sojourn working on the profound themes: the fragility of life, the criticality of timing, fate vs free will and the proverbial WHEW! And, yes, I did have a glass of riesling when I got home this evening.

I’d like to report that I came home more compassionate and loving with absolute gratitude for all the joys of my life – and there was fair amount of that. But during one phase this evening, when the adrenaline had worn off, I actually got a little bitchy – sniping at Griz for not helping with the salad and inappropriately critiquing a poker move he was explaining. It was weird really – an irresistible compulsion to have my say about the inconsequential. The close call had not only enlivened my joie de vivre;  but in so pointedly reminding me of my helplessness against the fates, it had stimulated some regressive need to resolve or control small matters close at hand.

Post traumatic stress?  Hardly – because there was hardly any trauma really. But it was a tiny opportunity to imagine with compassion how difficult it must surely be for those who face real life-and-death situations daily, day-in and day-out, month-in and month-out – soldiers, rescuers, police officers – or just innocent citizens where war, disaster, or “police actions” rule their lives.

And don’t worry about Griz and me. We’re at that fortunate part of our relationship where any disagreement – even a little irrational, emotion-based bitchiness (by either of us) – is something we recover from rapidly. In fifteen minutes, we were laughing again.  It’s all Dump-Truck-Guy’s fault, anyway.

Ration of Solitude: Sorry, My Cell Phone’s Been Sleeping In

TinCanPhones

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Griz and I have had mobile phones since the days when they were big and clunky. They’re an invaluable tool, no doubt about it – especially for a household with disparate careers, pressing family commitments and frequently a lot of highway miles surrounding it all. Modern-day schedule juggling – a phase from which Griz and [...]

Stop Bitching About What Isn’t – Rediscover the Magic of What Is

It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves.” – Carl Jung

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I really enjoyed this video of Louis CK on Conan O’Brien though I disagree with Louis CK’s specific admonishment of the younger generation. Perpetual malcontent is unfortunately a cross-generational phenomenon. I see just as many malcontents in my own generation (baby boomers). Perhaps the discontent is for different reasons, but whining is whining.

For me,  crankiness in youth is almost more understandable than the perpetual grouch I see in some elders.  By the time you reach mid-life and beyond, you should have gained some  perspective about life’s cycles and unpredictability. So life didn’t turn out just the way you expected – get over it. Stop trying to control others – you can’t. Stop bitching about what isn’t and rediscover the magic of what is.  This moment is what you’ve got.  Live, love, laugh.

“He who no longer pauses to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.” – Albert Einstein

"Death Is So Cruel In Its Ordinariness"

In this week of cascading celebrity mortalities, and the resultant gnashing and wailing by media and fans, I was initially embarrassed that I live in a culture of such profound celebrity worship. But then empathy kicked in.

After all, the families and friends of the celebrities suffer no more or less than the countless other ordinary families who this week must face the loss of a loved one. Premature and unexpected, or the anticipated death of an elder – loss is loss.

Perhaps when we mourn deeply for a celebrity, someone we don’t really know, we’re facing down our terror – practicing for the inevitable death of someone truly close; or perhaps we’re further resolving a grief we already carry. Grief is a necessary and unavoidable part of the human experience, no less real whether we grieve for a close loved one, a beloved pet or a cherished celebrity. We should not judge the validity or import of another person’s grief, but rather remind ourselves of the common path we travel.

This beautiful poem was written by my cousin, Janelle Olney. Janelle was an oncology nurse for many years – not just serving cancer patients, but also counseling their families:

The Letting Go by Janelle Marie Olney

Here you wait, in this room of hissing machines, and whispering loved ones.

Touched by latex covered hands, you open your eyes long enough to say “I’m still here.”

I know you’ll be leaving soon.

On the street below people go about their day, unaware of this unfolding drama that dwarfs their mundane concerns.

Something this momentous should trigger lightning strikes, or cause the very stars to darken in the sky.

But it’s only death come calling.  Stealing in on quiet feet and taking you away.

An empty chair at the table.

An empty pillow on the bed.

An awful empty hole in the hearts of your wife, your children, and those who will always remember you were here.

Death is so cruel in its ordinariness.

People die every day, and two are born to take their place.

But ordinary is not a word that will occur to those whose lives will soon be torn apart by the letting go of you.

Janelle’s loving son, sisters and parents were kind enough to share this poem with us at Janelle’s funeral, three years ago. Janelle’s death was accidental – she was 48 years old.