I was greeted by a very HALesque, pear-shaped tone, male computer voice which asked me to enter the ID number.

Immediately after I did so, HAL admitted sadly: “I’m having some problems. I’ll transfer you to a representative.”

I was impressed and rather tickled that HAL was willing to admit his fallibility so promptly rather than sending me off to a string of endless menus.

Furthermore, I didn’t have to wait for a live representative. Tami came on the line immediately, provided her name and asked if she could help.

I asked if the ID number I’d entered made it through to her.

She said “no” and asked for the Boeing employee’s name.

She looked the name up to confirm she should offer further assistance and repeated her offer.

I described the information I wished to confirm.

Tami replied with: “So this is a Health and Insurance Plan question?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll have to transfer you to someone who can help.”

Uh-oh.

And she transferred me back to HAL – who was still feeling ill.

Calm but decisive.  No options: “Our system is not available now. Please call back at another time. Good-bye.” Click.

Well, at least I was never on hold,  HAL never called me Dave and he didn’t fade out singing Daisy. A quick good-bye is always much better than being ejected off into space or something.

Might be a sad commentary on our times, though – I’m now so well-trained at phone call hassles with intricate, unhelpful menu loops, getting nowhere efficiently feels like a kind of victory.